A few weeks ago something hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was running with my friend who has a marathon or two under her belt, I’m in the painful early stages of training for my first half marathon.  She has graciously agreed to do my long runs with me outside in the winter. She does most of the talking during our runs because I’m too busy gasping for air, trying not to vomit, and feeling inadequate.  During our run there were several times she mentioned feeling guilty about things.  My friend is a total bada**.  She has a job that requires her to be a supportive ear to many, she has opened her home up as a foster parent, and she’s a wonderful friend who is always willing to listen.

After the run, I got home and checked my email.  A friend had sent me a document to edit. She introduced it by saying it sucked.  She is a strong, funny, and intelligent woman who is a mentor and leader. It didn’t suck. Later that evening, I ran into another friend.  We were trying to catch up, but she had five kids with her.  FIVE kids. It would have been impossible for anyone to have a meaningful conversation in that moment.  After we parted ways she sent me a message apologizing for being frazzled and overwhelmed.

I lost it.  I was so brokenhearted that these amazing women were being so hard on themselves.  Then I reflected for a moment and realized why it was affecting me so intensely. I saw myself in each of them.  The women I’ve surrounded myself are giving and compassionate.  They would never judge anyone as harshly as they judge themselves. I’ve leaned on them during times of heartache and confusion, but all of this has left me wondering how vulnerable we’re willing to be around others if we’re quietly, constantly criticizing ourselves.

I know this is not something that is unique to women, but I think we are far more likely to be critical of our bodies, conversations we have, our parenting, and whether we’re doing enough. I am quick to recognize and appreciate the strength of the women around me, but why don’t I do the same for myself?  I’m not sure of the answer to that question.  As girls were we praised too much for good behavior and taught to seek approval?  Maybe we learned that what others thought of us was more important than celebrating who we were.  Clearly I studied geography, not psychology.  All I know is that I hope as women we learn that we can still hold ourselves to high standards and replace self-flagellation with self-compassion. Life will always be challenging, but let’s not sell ourselves short striving for perfection.

“I am a Woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal Woman, that’s me.” ―Maya Angelou